if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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