Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
