Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
