I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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