i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
