You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Everclear isn't food dammit
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize