Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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