So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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