I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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