highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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