Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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