i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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