I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
