if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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