The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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