girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
this will be a night to untag.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
