does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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