You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
