i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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