i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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