he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
