I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
