closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
