Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
