3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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