Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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