my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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