Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
