some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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