it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
