Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
