That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
