I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
