Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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