I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
