...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
