The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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