so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
