So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That accounts for only three of the penises
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
