My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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