you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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