Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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