Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
