you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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