At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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