My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
