She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
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I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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