Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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