The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
