I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She told me I should be a condom model.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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