He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
