Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
