No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
