After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I need water and some morals
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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