Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
false alarm, still single
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