you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
