There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
