Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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