So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
