Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
