just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
