we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Randomize