Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
