girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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