he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
false alarm. still invincible.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
