his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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