Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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