I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
