i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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