You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
