Sponge bath it is.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
