I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
